chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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