i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
