i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
