The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so let's talk penis.
bring money and cleavage
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
