holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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