I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
we should paint friendship bongs
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