There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She said her name was "party"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
