you didnt know i had herpes?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
