Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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