I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
