No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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