I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
