If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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