Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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