Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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