I heard we made out
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
