and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
