oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
