stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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