Small penises have feelings too.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
