His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
