I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
