4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
