Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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