conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
