Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
