the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize
