im having a threesome with these popsicles
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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