nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
