We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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