You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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