four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
