i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
