He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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