And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
