Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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