I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
