I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
