I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
