dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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