we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
