Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
