I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
