five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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