This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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