my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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