I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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