She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
