I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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