what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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