Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
