wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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